My heels are dug in. Today is January 4th and I do not want this day to end. Tomorrow will be the 5th and Epiphany comes after that and the tree has to come down and the decorations need to be packed away and that darling little clock that plays carols on the hour must be replaced with the ordinary one, the one that silently keeps time during the other eleven months of the year. I don’t want to do any of it though. I’m not ready for Christmas to be over.
Perhaps if I had been less self-absorbed and more focused on gratitude and good will, I may have enjoyed it more. In all fairness though, I did the best I could and that has to be ok because I’m still sober. The soundtrack played, gifts were wrapped and given, I even went to church on Christmas Eve. The entire holiday was perfectly lovely and absolutely exhausting and I all I want to do today is watch movies and eat popcorn and wait for it to snow.
I really need a snow storm. Snow is the great procrastination enabler. It falls. The world slows. Nothing happens. At least for a while. How I love those blessed mornings when I wake up to non-negotiable snow, when there’s really nothing that needs doing, or, more precisely, nothing that can be done until the plows come through, and it’s perfectly alright and totally appropriate to stay in my jammies and drink coffee well past noon.
That’s precisely what I need: a nice long do-nothing hibernation sort of day. I want to curl up with buried promises and anticipate the warmth and color of spring. I want to take some time to sort through the clutter of past mistakes and conger up new dreams. I so need new dreams. I sometimes wonder if it’s too late, but I know better. To breathe is to dream and I will again. There will be possibilities and purpose and plenty of reasons to shower . Just not today.
Today I’m going to plug in the tree, watch a couple movies, and listen to the clock chime its carols for every hour I refuse to let pass. The world can stop or carry on if need be, but I’m staying put. Yes, my heels are dug in. Now that I have successfully negotiated the holidays, I need a little Christmas now more than ever, an entire day to sit amidst so many stacks of blessings and admire and treasure each one. Nothing else is necessary. Today is going to be a snow day. I am sure of it.