Happy Birthday To Me!

from Bing.com
I was an odd kid.  My favorite birthday cake was walnut.  With my mom’s incredible vanilla icing slathered all over it and coconut dusted on top.  I loved coconut.  Still do.  I maybe baked one cake in my entire adult life.  And that was from a box.  I am amazed how my mom used to bake.  Really bake.  Stirring up clouds of flour in the kitchen and making cut-out circles of wax paper that fit perfectly into cake pans that were anything but new.  My mom baked often.  And always for my birthday.

I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday cake.  Oh, I’ve had cupcakes and brownies, with a candle stuck in or maybe even a sparkler, most often in restaurants with friends.  But never a whole cake baked from scratch just for me.  Birthdays became decidedly fluid occasions.  Always with the alcohol flowing.  Fancy cocktails with shots mixed in.  Or, in later years, glass after glass of wine, poured from bottles brought as gifts but always emptied by evening’s end.

For about as long as I can remember, birthdays were just another excuse to celebrate.  Any excuse would do: because it was my birthday, your birthday, a holiday, the weekend, vacation, sunny, or pouring rain.  There was always something to celebrate, always a reason to drink.  Until reasons were no longer necessary, of course.  I drank at every meal and after and then alone.  Drank myself to sleep.  Drank myself awake.  Finally realized I was drinking away my life.

Today will be my first sober birthday.  Ever.  At least since I was a kid blowing out the candles and making a wish.  I have no idea what I might have wished for back then.  But I’m sure I didn’t wish to become an alcoholic.  Anyway, I lit a candle this morning.  Just to make a wish and blow it out.  Sorry, I can’t tell you what I wished for.  Then my wish wouldn’t come true.  But I can assure you I didn’t wish for a drink.  Not to celebrate my birthday.  Not ever.

Life is too good.  Today I am a one-year-older sober woman.  With a clear head and coconut dusted dreams.  Thanks be to God!  And happy, happy birthday … to me!

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23 thoughts on “Happy Birthday To Me!

  1. Well I want to be the firs to officially say HAPPY SOBER BIRTHDAY! That is a present in and of itself. May your whole day be beautiful and sparkly. And thank you for being so honest in your post. It always changes me when I am privileged to get that “real” peek into someone’s head and heart. It was a beautiful post.

    Oh, and I’d forgotten that moms used to use wax paper to line their cake pans. What a wave of nostalgia that brought back.

    Have a blessed one, girlfriend!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy Birthday! I hope your wish comes true. The Lady was planning to bake a cake involving coconut anyway, so now we can make it your virtual birthday cake. It will be a few days late, though. 🙂

    Like

  3. “I drank at every meal and after and then alone. Drank myself to sleep. Drank myself awake. Finally realized I was drinking away my life”
    … That about sums it up! Mind boggling that we used to do that to ourselves. Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day with all your senses and wits about you. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been reading your blog from beginning to end..you are an inspiration that at any time we can change our lives for the better…I hope your birthday was glorious and God grants you many happy sober exciting years to come.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. How wonderful! Happy Birthday to you. I wish I could bake you that cake, that cake that was prepared just for you, with thoughts of you the whole time it was being prepared.

    I’ve never baked a walnut cake before and to be honest, I’ve never tasted one either. But I am a baker by desire and by profession. But alas, cakes are not my specialty you see. I bake pies and such and sell them online. But I wanted you to know that if there were anyway to ship such a thing as a walnut cake, I would do so just because you are God’s masterpiece, sober or otherwise. You are indeed worthy of your very own cake. Thankfully you have overcome and are not ruled by alcohol anymore.

    Your story was wonderful to read. Thank you for being authentic.

    Liked by 1 person

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